The Shame Of Being Skinny
On internalized fatphobia and meta-shame.
With summer comes the annual dreaded fat-phobic pressure to achieve the “beach body,” and this year, amidst fears of the “quarantine-15,” people are feeling more insecure than ever. In the U.S., 60% of people have reported undesired weight gain or loss since the pandemic. All this time spent cocooned in shapeless loungewear, it’s been easy to ignore our bodies—now, the idea of baring our skin doesn’t come so easily.
The season may have changed but my breezy dresses are collecting dust behind the sweats at the front of my wardrobe. Getting dressed every day is an exercise in dissociation—how successfully can I ignore my body, so as to avoid an emotional breakdown that might derail my day?
With the exception of general low self-esteem in my teen years, I’ve never, in my life, felt so insecure about my body. I’ve grown accustomed to the loud roommate of self-criticism that lives in my head, but I’m not used to it being so concerned with my body every tim…