When I was growing up, people always used to treat being raised by a single mom as a tragedy. “Do you ever wish your dad was around?” I was always perplexed by the interest in my absent father. To me, I never knew what I was missing. I never wished I had a dad to play or watch sports with (I hate sports anyway); to share a beer with; to introduce my non-existent boyfriend to.
I’d rather have never known him than had him there for a part of my childhood only to disappear, like the friends of divorced parents I witnessed growing up. Or worse, have him there every day physically but absent emotionally. The reality is, fathers who are really present—physically and emotionally—are a rarity.
What breaks my heart more, is the absence of the person who fathered me the most—my mother. Sometimes I think it was taking on the roles of both mother and father that killed her. But watching her struggle taught me so much, it prepared me for the professional glass ceilings and ghosting men and impossible beauty standards. I sometimes wonder how people who came from happy homes raised by both parents have any grit or resilience. Witnessing a single (disabled) parent run our little family taught me determination and the will to survive.
Instead of asking, “do you want to meet your dad?” as if I’ve spent my whole life fantasizing over the man who abandoned us, I’d rather hear, “so tell me about your mom.” I don’t have the energy to give to people who don’t show up. This day used to make me angry—I wanted there to be some formal recognition for all the single moms who do double duty as fathers. Now, this holiday makes me apathetic. The commercial success of Mother’s Day over Father’s Day should stand as evidence alone—dads just kinda suck. 🤷♀️
Instead of wasting brain space on a father I never knew, I’m thinking of the people who filled in the gap—my mom and her two close friends (you know who you are); the people who gave me more love than any dad who didn’t want to be there ever could.
Best,
Anna
Published 📝
Forbes - This Telehealth Platform Is Filling The Healthcare Gap For Women With PCOS
As someone with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I’ve long struggled to find medical guidance that goes beyond simply prescribing me birth control (a band-aid fix). And I’m now alone, one in 10 women of reproductive age have PCOS. Telehealth platform Allara is revolutionizing treatment for this complicated disorder with their holistic approach. It’s no wonder they’ve got over 15,000 women on the waitlist.
Forbes - Wellness Weekender Guide: Huntington Beach
Of everywhere I travelled in California a few months ago, Huntington Beach was definitely the most laidback. But this city offers so much more than just the OC vibe. They’ve got 10 miles of spacious beaches, 78 parks, world-class spas and fresh coastal cuisine. Whether or not you ride the waves, “Surf City” makes for a relaxing weekend getaway.
Reading 📖
✊ Never forget Vincent Chin.
🖤 Father’s Day can be hard, here’s how to cope.
🙏 On forgiving an absent father.
🏡 What happens when an autistic teenager becomes unmanageable at home?
📱 Teens are facing a mental health crisis.
👦 It’s sadly no surprise then, that there’s been an increase in child suicide.
🚗 It’s the end of the millennial lifestyle subsidy.
“The golden age of bougie on-demand urban-tech discounting has come to a close.That means higher prices, higher margins, fewer discounts, and longer wait times for a microgeneration of yuppies used to low prices and instant deliveries.” - Derek Thompson.
🎨 How to avoid a midlife crisis.
“Midlife is the point at which your medium of choice should change from a canvas to a sculpture, in which the work of art appears as a result of chipping away, not adding. This is hard to do when you have accepted a lot of responsibilities at work and at home.” - Arthur Brooks.
💉 All the ways your body is responding to the pandemic.
🔥 ‘Everything is terrible, but I’m fine.’
💻 ‘No worries if not.’
🥤 Healthy coke is self-flagellation masquerading as wellness.
Watching 📺
My least favourite TV show of all time is The Big Bang Theory, so with Kaley Cuoco being the lead of The Flight Attendant, I went into the show highly skeptical. I don’t know if it’s because I relate to all the travelling or her struggle with addiction, but something about this thriller series gripped me last year. The first season is all about solving the mystery of why this flight attendant (played by Cuoco) woke up in a hotel room next to a dead man. I’m watching the new second season which has even more unexpected turbulence (😉) as she balances leading a normal life with running around as a CIA asset.
Listening 🎧
The mass shootings keep happening, and the U.S. government does nothing. So parents are stepping in. This episode of This American Life shares the story of grassroots support networks of parents that are developing in response to mass shootings. Some even go so far as to drive across the country, from one mass shooting to another, to support the recently bereaved.
Snacking 🍌
This week I’m wearing my food—decorating my ears with durians and my phone case with cats in bananas. I’m also dreaming of buying this banana dress for my birthday.
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