But What If I Want To Change?
In defense of new year's resolutions. Plus, the "best" T.V., books and bites of 2024.
This has been one of the toughest years of my life. What separates this year from previous difficult years is I didn’t really have a reason to be struggling. There was no major external event to blame like a death or global pandemic. An unexpected random panic attack in the spring reignited an anxiety disorder that (fortunately) had been absent from my life for the past decade. I spent the rest of the year feeling unmoored and unlike myself. My perception of everything was flipped upside down. What once was content solitude turned to vapid loneliness; a strong sense of self turned to uncertainty; confidence turned to doubt. The overarching emotion of the past year has been fear. But this fear has no source, it just follows me around, lurking in the dark recesses of my mind, ready to hijack my reality at any moment.
Normally, I’m against new year’s resolutions. I’ve long believed they’re a profit-motivated, commercial invention designed to make us feel inade…