A Different Kind Of Thanksgiving

It's okay to not be grateful this year, but have you tried optimism?

I’m sorry, but the idea of keeping a gratitude journal kind of makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for expressing gratitude (I’m Canadian!), I’m that person who sends thank you cards via snail mail. I see the value, too, in “counting my blessings” when I’m feeling down. Gratitude has, after all, been scientifically-proven to improve sleep, self-esteem, physical and psychological health; it makes us more empathetic and less angry; it strengthens our relationships.

But in recent years, it’s seemingly become the pestering cousin of toxic positivity, our foundational virtue—one that, if we don’t rigorously practice with a daily gratitude journal or by adding “but I’m grateful for…” to every complaint, shames us into feeling like unappreciative, self-centered assholes.

“You can’t just put a layer of frosting on a shit cake—it still won’t taste very good,” says therapist Kelsey McLaughlin. When we become obsessed with identifying the silver lining, we avoid feeling the full range o…